When i was young, i would compare myself to someone who had pretty privilege. Then as i grew older, i became fixated on my appearance until i just couldn't do it anymore. I realize how fleeting external validation is and i felt so exhausted. Constantly questioning if i look attractive or not is so exhausting. I really don't want to spend my entire life thinking that way.
And i had a conversation with my therapist. She told me that instead of asking myself “am i pretty?" and spiraling over the question- ask myself: what do i know about myself that no one can take away? I told her that it's my posture. The way i walk. The way i show up for myself even when i don't feel like it. And it made me cry because i felt seen.
And honestly, i don’t have all the answers yet. But I do know this: I don't want to spend my entire life thinking negatively about myself and bringing myself down, being a bully to myself. I don't want to accept less than what i deserve.
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